“A Step Upon the Stairs of Life”

“Now is the dramatic moment of fate, Watson, when you hear a step upon the stair which is walking into your life, and you know not whether for good or ill!” The Hound of the Baskervilles – A. Conan Doyle

A few days ago I went to my favorite coffee shop, Standard Coffee, and looked through the used books they keep on the wall in search of a new book to read and my eyes fixed on The Hound of the Baskervilles. Having just watched Sherlock Holmes a few days earlier I picked up the book and bought it. I have begun reading it and have enjoyed it so far, though I am only 40 pages in.

I have been thinking on this quote from the book and wanted to share it with all of my readers, all 3 or 4 of you. (just kidding, i hope) I have been working on writing the book that i am putting together about my experiences here in Cambodia and one thing I am noticing is that not every moment is a “dramatic moment” or one that is life changing. Some days I sit in my apartment and do nothing of any consequence.

So as I write I sift through my experiences and try look for those dramatic moments, and I write them down. Today I added to the list of events that have made there way into my life.

Today I went back to KKC Orphanage with my friend Rexa, to help with the Easter program the children are working on. When we pulled up to the orphanage I saw one of the little girls that had always followed me around and held my hand as I walked around. She is a twin and she cannot speak. As we parked I saw her face morph from a blank expression to a smile in a matter of seconds. You could see her cheeks raise and her eyes lower as a smile crossed her face. “She remembers me” I thought to myself. I had only been at the orphanage for a total of maybe a minute and already my day had been made, but it was only getting started.

After trading smiles, She began pointing at her foot, so I walked over to her and looked at her foot. Her foot had a scratch on it that looked like it was in the process of healing, but would still probably hurt to walk on. As she points at her foot she grunts as to tell me about it and I look at her and we have a little non verbal conversation.

I smile at her once more, or most likely was still smiling, and walk back over the Rexa who laughs as he tells me that the other staff members were coming in the afternoon and he did not have the key we needed. So we walk around the orphanage stopping every now and again to watch the kids play soccer. Rexa tells me that there is a church down the road and asks if I want to go see it. I concur and we head down the road.

Just a few houses down from the orphanage is a small church. As we walk up we she the children from the church leaving, all of them with candy bars in their hands and smiles on their faces. I think to myself, this could be what heaven looks like, all of us walking around with smiles on our faces and candy bars in our hands. As the children leave some of them say there hellos and smile as they walk by. There were probably about 50 – 75 kids leaving that church, it was a wonderful site to see.

We make our way back to the orphanage and Rexa offers a few of the different places around the orphanage. As we walk around to the back side of the land a little boy joins us. I did not notice him at first because he was so small but then as I notice him he grabs my left hand with both of his little hands and continues to walk with us.

As we walked the little boy walked with us, holding my hand. When we stop to look at something the little boy pulls in closer to my leg and stands with us. He just wants to be close to me and I find this endearing. As we leave the orphanage he joins his friends and Rexa and I mount his bike to head back to my place.

All of this time took about 30 to 45 mins. out of my day but it was just another set of dramatic moments that have made there way into my life for the good. I cherish these moments and cannot wait till next sunday when I can go back and spend more time with some of the greatest kids I have ever met.

Tomorrow is back to school and to the wonderful ninth graders of the Methodist School of Cambodia. Back to a room full of laughter and learning. Back to “Good Morning Teacher. Thank you Teacher. See  you tomorrow Teacher”

I am blessed beyond words.

Walk, Don’t Run!

One thing that never ceases to surprise me is what I see when I look back on all that I have experienced and all the ways that I have found myself changing over the course of time spent in Cambodia.

When I landed in Phnom Penh International Airport I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew nothing about Cambodia, other than it was nothing like I expected it to be. I remember sitting in the car  on the way to the air port and seeing street vendors and asking question after question. No here it is just a few short months later and I feel so at home here. I feel like if there is something that I want or need I know where to get it. I do more shopping at the vendors on the streets and the market and less at the super markets. I take more risks when it comes to the food that I buy and even cooked dinner tonight instead of the usual sandwich or pasta.

Its hard to really put the feeling down on paper, or in a blog post as the case may be, other than to say that I feel very comfortable here. After months of going with the flow I feel like I have a handle on things and I love it. The great thing about this feeling is that it opens the city up to you in ways that you never thought before. Its not just about being able to find what you need but its the feeling that comes with knowing exactly where you want to go and what you are going to get when you get there.

I guess it just no longer feels like I am just a tourist, and I like it. I see people riding around in their tuk tuks or at the Russian Market and it is obvious that they are tourists. They are trying to get everything they can in the few days they are here but I no longer feel that rush.

When you are able to slow down it also changes the way you view the city. I am so happy that Erin and Holli were able to come here for two weeks because I feel like they got a more complete experience. If they wanted to sit out on the hammock and read or just browse the Russian Market and not buy anything they could because they knew they had plenty of time. Although there was plenty to do while they were here it never really felt rushed, until we got close to the end. That was more about making the most of our time together and not so much about being in Cambodia.

I think one of the biggest adjustments I will have coming back to the states is the fact that everything in the US is in constant motion. It feels like everyone is rushing around trying to do this and that, but in Cambodia you don’t get that feeling. You see people laying in hammocks and sitting at tables talking or extended periods of time. So even thought we are in a city of 2 million people if rarely feels like it. Some how the people of Cambodia have been able to retain the sense of community that so many large cities and even small ones, have lost.

The tag line on my blog has this scripture “what does the LORD require of you? To do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

What does the Lord want from us, to do justice, love kindness and to WALK humbly with our God. I think there may just be something to this idea of walking with our God. If you think of the difference in people walking together and people running together. When people walk together they often find themselves in conversation, which is not so much the case when you are running. I guess I should speak for myself, but all I know is that when I am running I need all the oxygen I can get and cant be wasting it on talking.

I think we are called to walk through life, not run. I think we are called to look at the world around us, to see the world around us, to react to the world around us, not just run by it. I know it will not always be so easy to live like this but I thankful that no matter what pace I take through life I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is there with me every step of the way. Thanks be to God.

To: The Church, From: The Church

Here is a reading that I came across from “The God Who Comes” by Carlo Carretto. Something to reflect on! Enjoy!

How baffling you are, oh Church, and yet how I love you!

How you have made me suffer, and yet how much I owe you!

I should like to see you destroyed, and yet I need your presence.

You have given me so much scandal and yet you have made me understand sanctity.

I have seen nothing in the world more devoted to obscurity, more compromised, more false, and I have touched nothing more pure, more generous, more beautiful. How often I have wanted to shut the door of my soul in your face, and how often I have prayed to die in the safety of your arms.

No, I cannot free myself from you, because I am you. although not completely.

And where should I go?

A return to the normal… well sort of…

February is here and its started to heat up in Phnom Penh. January was a wonderful month full of 70 – 80 degree weather days with a few showers here and there. Now we are two days into this next month and both days have hit 90. You may be saying to yourself that 90 is nothing, but I must remind you that this is still considered winter. If this is a sign of things to come then the 18 dollar fan I bought yesterday is going to get plenty of use.

My life has returned to some state of normalcy after the departure of my friends from Mongolia. I really don’t think there is such thing as normal but this is as close as it gets. Back to eating sandwiches and sitting on the forward facing side of the Tuk Tuk, fewer trips to the market, and less eating out.

I finished the book that I was reading while they were here, Dispatches From the Edge by Anderson Cooper. It was quite an interesting book. It gave me some great ideas on how I may want to structure my book, and he writes in such a way that you get a since of not only what he is seeing but what he is feeling. I can only hope to be able to do the same some day. Its one thing to take pictures and show people a place like Cambodia but I want to share the feelings that go along with Cambodia.

My class has spent the past two days testing and will resume a normal class schedule on wednesday. There is be saturday morning youth fellowship on saturday and on Sunday I will heading to KKC orphanage to visit the kids and work with them on their english. I have missed the children this past month and figure even though I am not officially working with the children it would be ok for me to offer my assistance when I can.

As much as I have loved teaching the 9th graders in my class one thing has become apparent, I am missing the inspiration that I received from working with the children. When I worked with the street kids there was hardly a day that I did not experience something that inspired me to think and write but with teaching it isnt the same. Many days end up looking like the one before and the next the same. There is a structure that is required when teaching and I know that is important but I am missing the inspiration. I know that it is there and that it may just take longer to get to. This is simple meant as an observation and has nothing to do with how I feel about teaching in the least. As I said before I have loved teaching these students.

I would venture to guess that this a inspiration of a different sort. Working with children is like instant gratification, the smile of a child, a hug or high five, those things bring instant happiness to the heart and touch you in a certain way. If our hearts were to have actual strings it would play a particular string. Teaching on the other hand is a different string in itself. Its not about the smiles and hugs, though they are still nice. Teaching is about the culmination of knowledge in the effort to actually teach something of substance. Teaching can not merely be done by smiling at and hugging kids and there in lies the real difference.

That being said I have a strange feeling that over time this experience will yield just as much if not more inspiration, a different type of gratification.

____________________________________________________________

This morning I didnt have to go to the school because the kids are testing and I am not needed to administer the test. I went yesterday and spent most of my time in the teachers lounge. So instead today I woke up around 7:30 (because I went to bed at 10) and logged onto my computer. After having a great conversation with my mother over skype I got on facebook and noticed about 60 or so people on chat. Of course I do what most facebookers do, I skimmed the list to see who was on. I noticed that a few of the youth from Katy that I hadn’t talked to in a long while were on so I messaged them.

It was wonderful, the conversation started with me thinking of a witty way to greet them and with there surprised but happy to hear from me response. A wonderful way to start any conversation if I do say so. After talking to these two youth for about 30 mins. and asking all kinds of questions, like where they were planning on going to college (they were all seniors) and what they were up to and telling them about what I was up to I let them go so they could get back to their homework. After letting them go I would look and find another youth that I hadnt talked to and strike up a conversation with them. This went on for about an hour and a half to two hours.

As the time got later and later in the US people started to sign off and go to bed but it was amazing to get to talk to youth that made my experience at First United Methodist Church Katy what it was. It was great to here how far they had come and about how they were getting ready for life after high school. I thought to myself, they are growing up and I feel so blessed to have had some small part in that. Thats the kind of gratification, the kind of inspiration that I am talking about. Its all of the great things that come with a profession that allows you to get to know the kids you work with, to build relationships with them. I guess I just have to remember that it takes time.

I am so thankful for the relationships that I have been able to have over my lifetime and am so excited for the relationships that I am building here in Cambodia. May God bless the relationships of all of God’s children and help us in the pursuit of building bridges and tearing down walls that divide.

Reconnecting…

I love the feeling of reconnecting with people that you used to know well and had fun with. It is such a good feeling, like someone that was missing has been found. Usually the reason they were missing is because for whatever reason we just stopped chatting. Maybe they got a girl friend of boy friend, moved away, changed in some way, the possibilities are endless. Probably one of the best things about reconnecting is that all of that stuff rarely matters when you finally do reconnect. Rarely is the person upset or angry that yall stopped talking, most of time they are just happy to be hearing from you and you are just happy to be talking to them.

As many of you may know I have been struggling since Holli and Erin left to go back to Mongolia. I have really felt more alone than I did before they came. I knew that this would probably happen, but what I have realized over the past few days is that the only reason I was alone to begin with was because I allowed myself to be. I have allowed myself to be shut off from the people I enjoy talking with and joking around with.

How many times in our lives do we complain or sulk about a situation only to find out that we are the reason we are there to begin with. We complain about working too much but we allow ourselves to work too much, we complain about not having more friends, or doing more fun things but its because we don’t allow ourselves to go out and make friends or have fun.

It has been great these past few days but it feels like I have come out of this hole to find all these people willing to talk to me and reconnect and I think to myself how did I ever let myself get too busy to keep talking to these people.

I look forward to continuing these conversations with long lost friends and with friends that I have kept in touch with.

Joy cometh in the Morning…

People have a way of working themselves into our lives and attach themselves to our souls. In some cases it happens over years and years of time spent together and for others it happens almost instantly.

Our lives are filled with relationships, with people that become apart of who we are. A few months before coming to Cambodia I preached a sermon at First Methodist Church Katy about how we take the people from our lives with us where ever we go and I believe this. We you become close with a person its as if you carry that person with you. This is a very comforting thought because those people cannot always be with us, standing beside us or traveling with us everywhere we go. It is nice to know that no matter what happens the people that I love and that love me will be with me through everything.

The sad thing is that this doesn’t really help with the pain that comes with the loss of those very people, at least not right away. I have never been the person who knew the right things to say to people who were grieving, and I learned a long time ago thats because most of the time there are not words for it. There are no magic words to just make things better. Our instincts may tell us that silence in a bad thing but sometimes its the best thing.

Growing up I had a pastor talk to me about hospital visitation. He told me that on his first hospital visit in seminary he we to see a lady who had been hospitalized. He told me how his professor stood outside and listened as he went in to see the lady. My pastor said that he talked practically the whole time and after wards felt really good about it. Then his professor told him what was really going on, “You talked to make your self more comfortable, not to comfort the patient.”

This past week while Holli and Erin were here we talked a bit about the idea of a ministry of presence and how its something that the church has kind of lost over the years. We fixate on so many other ministries and sort of neglect to talk about a ministry of presence. You can should never underestimate the impact of simply BEING with someone or God, I use all caps because I wanted to emphasis that it is about actually being fully present in the moment and not just there, while thinking about other things in your own life. ( for more on Minsitry of Presence check out Holli’s Blog post “to stand out” http://lifeebbsandflows.blogspot.com/ )

___________________________________________________________

As we drive down the road you can look out of any window and see palm trees and open fields. The fields are not green and lush as they were a few months ago when I made this trip but though the green has left the beauty has remained. The fields are brown now, harvest and taken to markets to be sold. You might not think of this as the most beautiful but when you think of the fact that God’s children have taken from the earth what was brought forth by the hand of God it becomes much more beautiful.

Conversation fills the care and Holli Erin and I reminise of things like, movies that we watched when we were younger, tv shows, and the like. We ask each other questions and I take my crack at a few games that apparently girls play, like “Who will I marry.” This game was new to me and I never really got the hang of it. You are supposed to think about the person and then tell what kind of person they will marry.

“Well I think the guy Erin will be a reader, (cause she loves to read) probably tall, and a size 10 and 1/2 shoe.” I say.

“Thats not how it works” Holli replies

“Ok well then explain it to me in a way that I would understand.” I say inquizativly.

“Well Holli will end up with someone who is not concerned with a messy house, he wont be a pig but there will be more important things to him than that.” Erin answers.

“Well I would hope it wasn’t the most important thing to him, a persons life would be pretty sad if what they cared about most was a clean house.” As I say this the girls roll their eyes and try and explain the game more. Finally they give up and ask what kind of games that guys play. I say “We play stuff like who is hotter, this girl or that.” This takes us into a conversation about who is hotter Brad Pitt or Matt Damon. I will spare you the results.

We were one our way to see a lady named Leang Phalla who I wrote about recently who had lost her husband in a Moto Bike accident in Oct. For christmas this year I gave the gift of giving as a gift to my family. In their honor I searched out people in Cambodia that could use some help and came across this widow.

When we pull up to the Church there are atleast 20 kids playing games outside the church. We park and make our way into the church where a few of the kids begin setting out chairs for us to sit in. We greet the widow and sit down with Mr T. who is there with us to translate.

“How are you doing with everything?” I ask

After  translating Mr T. replies for her “Not too good.” Of course all you had to do was looking into her eyes to see that this was the understatement of the century. As tears begin to form she begins talking about her situation. She constantly mentions her children, she has 4 of them, and how afraid she is that she will not be able to provide for their education. I continue asking questions leaving time in between for someone else to ask a question or for here to just talk.

The way Leang talked about her 4 boys and how much she wanted them to get a good education was very touching. I could see the look of a mother in her eyes, a mother who would give everything she has for her children, I had seen this look before.

___________________________________________________________

While I was still young my father left and for a good part of my childhood it was just my mother my brother and myself. We relied of each other and we formed bonds that I cherish to this day. My mother was and still is the best mother that a son or daughter could ask for. She never let the fact that she was a single mother stop her from providing for her children and with the help of my grand parents she gave my brother and I a wonderful childhood.

My mother was and still is constantly giving of herself for her boys. She has 4 herself now along with one big boy in my step father to take care of. Growing up she would do without so that my brother and I could have more. Even now my mother works, but not because she has to but because it allows her to do more for her children. There is nothing greater than the sacrifice of a mother. When I say that I have seen that look before I say it because I have seen it in my own mother.

____________________________________________________________

As we sat in a circle in that Methodist Church in Bantey Mencheay talking to this woman I couldn’t help but think of how lucky her kids are to have such a caring mother. I almost wish that I could pull them aside and tell them but the oppurtunity doesnt present itself, however I have a feeling they already know. Kids know the sort of things, especially kids that have gone through something like losing a father.

I found myself feeling for the children that will grow up without a father, and how lucky I was to have a step father who stepped in and took care of my brother and myself. All of these emotions swirl around in the pit of my stomach as we sit together and talk.

After we are done talking I ask Leang if we can take pictures and we make our way outside where the light is better. We gather under the church sign with this amazing woman, and her 14, 10, 8 years old sons. (the four year old was being watched by someone else) We snap a few pictures and I ask Mr T. to ask her if it would be ok to hug her. Asian people are not the most touchy feely people but in my family we don’t shake hands we hug. She of course says yes and we embrace and of course the tears come. There is so much more that I want to say but it will have to wait. I tell her that I will be back for sure and she tells me that she is happy and hopes that I do come back to see her.

As we drive off waving to the kids, I think more about my mother and how wonderful she is and how grateful I am. I thank God is for allowing us to come together and be bonded in the moment.

____________________________________________________________

In the matter of an afternoon Leang Phalla and her sons have become a part of my soul and hopefully I in theirs. We have formed a relationship that I hope flourishes over the years. Sometimes bonds take time but in a situation like this, where people of God come together its almost as if God’s hands reach down from the heavens and surround us to make this connection, to bring God’s children together.

I am so happy that this is an experience that I could share with Erin and Holli. Not to mention all of the other experiences that they have been a part of while here in Cambodia for two weeks. As my house still echoes of their being here sadness creeps in. My comfortable life that I had made in Cambodia has been forever changed, and for the better. And although I may return to parts of my life before they came it will never be the same, they have changed me and it is something to celebrate, not mourn.

Sadness may last for the night but I am as sure as the sun rises that joy will come in the morning, and those memories that we have made will serve as not a sad reminder of what isnt here, but as a happy memory of what is possible when children of God gather together, fellowship together, worship together, cry and laugh together, all in the presence of a loving and gracious creator.

I still don’t know the words to say to someone who is grieving but I know in my heart that though the flesh and bone may fall away the soul lives on, with God and with each and every person that we have the pleasure of knowing and getting to know and I will make sure that I spend my time on earth getting to know as many of God’s children as I can.

May God’s Love and Mercy shine over the whole world so that the darkness shall be no more and the light of God’s grace may engulf the world in a loving embrace.

Finding our way back to Joy…

On Friday night I got in my Tuk Tuk and headed to the Airport to pick up my friends from Mongolia. I was so excited to have people here with me to experience all the wonderful things that Cambodia has to offer.

It has been an amazing couple of days and I could go into an account of each and everything that we have done so far but i feel that it would do no justice to the experiences in itself. Erin Holli and I met at interview weekend and from my point of view clicked from the get go. We don’t all agree on everything but we enjoy each others company and have a great time together.

I have been able to show them different parts of Cambodia and teach them what little I know about the country. One of my favorite things is introducing them to the people here. There are so many amazing people here and I am so happy that they have been able to sit down with people like Marylin Chan. Marylin and Joseph Chan (her husband) survived the years of the Khmer Rouge and came to the states where they went to school. They are so passionate and they have so many wonderful stories.

The people are what make Cambodia such an amazing place. To know the people you need to understand where they have come from. They have come through years of torment and poverty, through times that would bring a lesser civilization to its knees. But for the people of Cambodia, they picked up the pieces and began again, with renewed vigor and appreciation for the little things. All you have to do is watch people getting ready for a wedding or the way they play with their kids and you see that they take joy in life.

I dont say these things to say that the people here are perfect and all fit into a simple cookie cutter, but there is an energy and more importantly an overall joy of life that beats at the heart of the people of this city.

The past couple of days though joyful have also had their share of sadness to accompany the joy. A few days ago we found out that Sam Dixon, head of UMCOR, passed away while caught in rubble after the earthquake in Haiti. Then this morning as we were getting ready to go to school we found out that Clint Rabb passed away while in ICU. This news shocked and saddened us. Clint had taught lessons during training in Stony Point and was the Husband of Suzanne Field Rabb who is one of the main reasons the three of us are here.

Pain is a difficult thing to experience in a time that is supposed to be filled with joy and laughter. Its even more difficult when you know there is nothing really that you can do to help the people effected most by the tragedy. All we can do is help where we can and when we can.

In October when I first arrived in Cambodia I was getting to know the staff and country when I found out that a Pastor of one of the churches in the countryside had passed away in a Moto accident. The Pastor was survived by his Wife and 4 children, the oldest of which is a boy around the age of 13.

During the Christmas season I decided that I wanted to do something special for my family. I thought that instead of buying them gifts I would donate money to ministries in  Cambodia in their names. I sent out an email to the missionaries in Cambodia asking for suggestions and one of the missionaries emailed me back. Her name is Irene and she is from Zimbabwe, she told me that she had visited with the pastors who passed aways wife. The woman had tears in her eyes as she talked about here situation. The church gave her 6 months to find  new place to live. She was so worried about what she would do about a place to live, but she was more worried about how she would pay for her children’s education.

I decided to donate a particular amount to her for her children’s education and another amount for her to do with as she needs. I will not get into specifics because it isn’t why I am writing this. Honestly I had no plans to write about the donation at all, its not about what I have done but its about giving to this woman and her children. There are so many people in this world that are hurting in pain, and have no idea how they are going to move forward without the ones they love. I saw the need for some help and I wanted to help.

After having a meeting with Irene this morning we decided that we would travel the 5 hours outside Phnom Penh to visit with her, meet her kids and hear her story. The only issue is that in order for us to get a taxi to go see here it is going to be kind of expensive. The quote that we got was for 180 dollars. I know this seems outrageous but its the cost of travel and there is no way around it.

So I am looking for alternative means of raising funds both for this woman looking for an education for her children and a place to stay and also for transportation. I have had people express there want in helping me and my ministry in any way possible and now I am asking for that help that was offered. After all the death that we have been hearing about and feeling I feel that I have a chance to make a difference in the life of this woman and her family.

If you would like to help in any way please let me know.

Holli and Erin and I are going to visit this woman if we have to pay for every cent ourselves, that is how strongly we feel about helping this woman. It is what we are called to do after all, to take care of widows and orphans. We are still praying for all the people of Haiti and those effected by the earthquake as well as the people all over the world that are experiencing pain and suffering. May they find some peace and comfort, and may they people about to find their way back to joy.

Its up to each and everyone of us to help those in need find their way back to joy in any way that we can.

God’s Presence runs like a thread through Creation

What began as a quiet evening laying in my hammock trying to find worship songs for Youth Fellowship on Sat. has turned into a little one on one worship service with God and myself. I was just scrolling through songs on my ipod and eventually just stopped looking and started to listen and got carried away. I still have no songs for sat. but I have a joyful heart and I will take that any day.

“If God is on our side who can be against us… there aint nothing gonna stand in our way”

In case you didn’t know the music continues as I write this blog post. So today was another good day at school. Though I have run into a snag or two when it comes to discipline problems I have found that moving youth away from their friends or even just the threat of doing so works wonders. I had a little group of girls in the corner that were constantly talking and so I began talking about where I could move them so as to seperate them and they straightened up. However, I feel that they are probably going to keep testing me and I will have to actually act so as not to appear like I give empty threats.

I have never been a tough disciplinarian and I know that it is VERY important I just have never been great at it.I guess we will call it one of my growing edges and just move forward with working on it. I don’t want to be a tyrant but I do want the class to listen to me if for no other reason than I want them to learn this.

I found out the other day that the passing rate for english in 9th grade is 20%. It is something that they are tested on by the Government but is not required. There are simply not enough English teachers, especially in the villages to teach so the class is more like a bonus if you pass it. Pass the class and you get extra marks but don’t pass and you are ok. This might become a problem with motivation. We shall see, I of course will not be broadcasting to the class that they really don’t need this class. If anything I have tried to highlight the benefits and importance of learning English without trying to sound too imperialistic.

God With Us

The double doors to my balcony are open wide and its as if God is breathing on me with every gush of cool wind that comes through the doorway. Its nights like these that everything I see reminds me of God’s love. From the kids racing each other to the food cart in the street to my crazy dog who every now and then breaks into a dead sprint to the kitchen but forgets to slow down and ends up crashing into the wall. From the breeze to even the darkness that I sit in while I write. It feels to me at times like this that this is what faith must be like, no real evidence of the divine other than the creation of the world that we live it. Though in that creation God is more apparent than ever.

I wish that everyone of you could be here to experience this with me, to see the things that I see and feel the things that I feel. I am so excited about the fact that Erin and Holli are coming all the way from Mongolia to spend two weeks with me. It will be so nice to get to share all the blessings that I have been receiving with these two amazing friends.

Tonight I am so thankful for all the blessing that I have been given in this one and only life. It is so easy for us to get caught up in the ups and especially the downs of our lives but the truth is that we are alive and that is something celebrate every single day. No matter what comes our way we have the chance to live our lives and to live them for God, to use them to love and help others in all the ways that we can and of course to praise God with every breath that we breathe through the way we live this one life.

“You lifted me out, you lifted me out and sent me dancing… free now I am free, your love rescued me, now its the the anthem I’m singing”

Thanks be to the God of the Universe for everything we have, may we live our lives in a way that praises God through our actions.

Thanks be to God for God’s Unfailing love and for lifting us out and putting our feet to dancing.

Thanks be to God for presence in and through out creation that acts as a constant reminder that God is with us and we are NEVER alone.

Blessings Abound…

The amazing thing about working and teaching youth is that they have the amazing ability to surprise you in the best ways. They can also surprise you in other ways but we will focus on the positive. Yesterday I was in my classroom getting ready for class when a young man walked in a began looking at what I had written on the board. He stood there for a while and then asked me in very broken english how he could learn english better. I was taken back at first because I had seen this kid in class and he didn’t seem very motivated at all. I would have to walk up to him and ask him to do what I had already asked the class to do. What I realized was that while he was sitting there not doing what I had said he was trying to figure out what it was that I had said to do. Its not that he didn’t want to learn but he was just having trouble and getting discouraged.

We began talking and he ended up spending his entire recess period in the room with me working through different questions that he had. As the class started to filter in I told him that I he was always welcome to come in during recess and work on any questions that he had.

It felt great that he felt comfortable enough to come to me and ask me the questions that he had. It was also nice to know that he really did want to learn. There are so many lessons to be learned from this boy.

There are plenty of times in life when it would be so much easier to sit around and act like we don’t care, to think that the problems we have or the problems that we see before us are too big to over come and just give up. Its scary to step out and try to do something that seems too difficult because there is always the risk of failure. One thing that I have learned over the years is that NO ONE wants to feel like a failure. So much some times that to spare us we don’t even try. The thing is that even if we don’t reach our ultimate goal we can learn other things about the kind of person that we are.

I am learning things about myself through this time spent at the Methodist School of Cambodia and I really do love waking up and going to the school everyday and spending my 50 min. with these young people. They are gifted and special and I am blessed to get the chance to be with them.

Joy flows like a river…

Its funny how life can change course and send you in a direction you never anticipated. Before this past week my life was full of a lot of waiting and hanging out which doesnt really suit me the best. However, I knew that there was a new adventure on the horizon so I gladly took the time to rest and relax before it. What started with an early morning  on Monday with no idea what I was doing finished with a day that filled my soul with joy and has me excited about life and where I am.

The first week of school is something that is always full of emotion, from excitement to nervousness but the great thing about it is that when all of these feelings begin to fade they are replaced by the precious moments that keep us moving forward and give our lives that purpose that we are looking for.

I want to live a life full of purpose. I don’t want to be the kind of person who doesn’t know what they want out of life or who they are. I want to know who I am and what my purpose in this life is and this time in Cambodia is helping me know both of those things.

On Wednesday of this past week I started to see some life in my class. The first couple days were very quiet and they were not real sure to make of me but on Wednesday we had a break through and there has been no real looking back.

While writing sentences on the white board in my classroom I noticed a sticker on the board that said for me to take a straight razor to the edges of the board to removed the small thin layer of film on the white board. By this time I had written most of the sentences so I thought that I would have a little fun with the kids.

After class started I had the kids work the sentences and then I ask them ‘Who here likes magic?” and a few of them raised their hands. So then I asked “who thinks that I can erase this board with out using any kind of eraser?” They sat there puzzled  so I repeated the question. One kid raised his hand hesitantly. I said “You dont think I can do you?” and he shook his head no.

“Ok well get ready for some magic.” and I took the little hole that I had made in the film in the middle of the board and began to pull and from the middle of the board in a circlular patter the film began to seperate from the board. About this time I could hear the kids behind me start ooooing and ahhhhing as I began to pull. It took some force but I pull half the film off with one try and I finished with the second and then took my bow to the laughter of the kids. It was a moment in time that I will remember for a long time because I feel like it was the first time I really connected with my class.

From them on the laughter and fun has just kept coming. I have found out that teaching isn’t too much different than being a youth director, just takes a different kind of preparation. I spend a lot of time trying to make things fun for them which I feel is very important. However, I do expect one day for one of the administrators to come into the room and tell me the kids are having too much fun, but until then I will keep doing my best to make them laugh.

On Friday I gave them their first quiz over vocabulary and sentences and most of them did very well but I do worry about a few. The hard thing about teaching English as a second language is that some people pick it up VERY fast and others not so much. I was to be respectful of the slow learners, being one myself, but I always don’t want to bore the kids who get it right away. It is a difficult balance but one that I hope to find.

Also on Friday I had a meeting with a few people from the school about the Youth Fellowship that we would be having on Saturday. It seems that something that I was originally going to “assist with” has now begun something that I have been given full ownership of. This is not so bad cause I do only teach one class a week at this point and so it gives me some more work to do but they gave me absolutely no real direction for the fellowship except for that it would be English speaking and have some component of worship for the kids.

I feel very passionately about worship and more passionately that it be done right. I know that there is no single way to worship but it should be thought filled and not thrown together. So I politely told them that worship would take a while but until then I would have plenty for activities and things for the youth to do to help build community.

We have an hour from 9:30 to 10:30 am as “Youth Fellowship”. This is not a whole lot of time but I think it will work out seeing as how they are at school from 7 – 9 working on life skills and games.

Today I arrived at about 8:30 to see what they were up to and set things up and I found some kids playing on the basketball court. This was the first time that i had seen it being used so of course I walked over to see and one boy asked me if I wanted to play. I am not one to say no to a game of basketball, especially with a group of kids who look like they could use a few lessons.

We started over and played two games to the score of 10 by one point a shot and of course my team owned face. I worked up quite a sweat but it was awesome. I had been eying that goal all week just waiting for a chance to play a game and we all had a great time.

I finished setting up for Fellowship time and waited for the kids to show up. Our target number was 20 and we ended up with 19 youth so I thought that was awesome.

I spoke on what it means to fellowship and then split them up into groups so they could get to know each other. This exercise turned out fantastically. From there we merged some of the groups for a game of the human knot which was a lot of fun as well. It was about this time that I really started to realize just how much I missed/love doing things like Youth Fellowship.

I always sort of viewed being a youth director as something to do for a few years before seminary but then graduate to pastor. Over the years that has just not been the case. I have decided that Pastoral Ministry is probably not in my future. The longer that I have been doing youth ministry the more comfortable I feel working with youth, and less like a means to an end.

I cannot describe the amount of joy I felt today fellowshipping with those youth. The only way I know how to explain it is that it felt like home, it felt that when I was up there talking with them and leading that I was at peace like maybe this is my purpose. The great thing about youth ministry is that no matter where you got there will always be youth looking for something, and maybe thats something that I can give them.

I finished the fellowship with a message on Adam and Eve and the importance of relying on each other. I spoke about the fact that God did not intend us to walk this world alone and that we as a fellowship are there for each other. We will laugh together, play games together, read the bible together, sing and worship together and maybe even cry together because that is what true fellowship is about.

I thank God for all the many blessings in my life and allowing me to be here in Cambodia. I thank God for all of the people that I have had in my life that have taught me so much about youth, youth ministry and myself. If you are reading this blog then there is a good chance that you are one of those people, Thank for the bottom of my heart.

The joy that I feel pours out of my soul and into my bones to the point where I cannot help but smile. Thanks be to God!