“The strength of man by himself doesn’t not account to much, even tough it is necessary. What is really important is the encounter between Man’s strength and God who comes to him; that encounter comes to pass through man’s prayer… PVictory comes out of that encounter. This is why at deaths door we who hope securely in the resurrection will cry out of our total poverty: “Come, Lord! Come quickly!” This is why, when faced with our own weakness as we admit the need of repentance, we cry out, with the same strength of spirit: “Come, Lord Jesus” – Carlo Carretto The God Who Comes
Sitting on my coffee table is a stack of papers that are about half graded. Once I finish, I will be one step closer to closing the door on my time here. Monday I gave my final exam to my students at the bible school and once I turn those grades in I have only a handful of things left to do here in Cambodia and most of them on the personal level.
And so the perfectly honestly I’m not in a rush. I will finish marking them today or tomorrow, but grading them really makes me think about whats next. I am trying not to focus on the future too much because I really do want to live for today, but I believe a little thought an preparation is not a bad thing. Plus when everyone always asks “Are you ready to go home?” it kind of makes it hard not to think about as well.
The answer is usually the same. I talk about my mixed emotions and then move on to the fact that it feels like it’s time. It seems almost weird to say but it feels like it, it feels like “ok you have done what you came here to do, experience what you came here to experience, no its time to move on.” Could I stay, well if it were a choice it would probably be a hard one, but its not, cause it isn’t what I signed up for. I didn’t sign up to come here for 3 years like a standard support missionary.
It’s actually a very complete feeling, and I hope it remains that way. I can only hope that someday in the distant future when its time for me say good bye to this life that I can have the same feeling of completion and I can say, as Carretto writes “Come Lord!” But that is for another time for now my moto is “Bring it on”.
I am reminded of a scene from one of the best TV shows ever The West Wing. The President has just disclosed to some people that he has an illness and didn’t tell anyone. He is talking to his Lawyer about what happens next and he tell the President this:
Oliver Babbish: “The new slogan around here is gonna be “Bring it on!” He’s gonna have access to every piece of paper you ever touched. If you invoke executive privilege one time, I’m gone. An assistant D.A in Ducksworth wants to take your deposition, you’re on the next plane. A freshman Congressman wants your testimony, you’ll sit in his kitchen. They wanna drag you to The Hague and charge you with war crimes, what’ll we say?”
President Bartlet: “Bring it on”
So this will be my slogan as well, Bring it on. I know that there are still wonderful things ahead of me and I will charge forward into the unknown, with the strength to face whatever happens. I will go forth knowing that the strength I have resides in my faith in a God who charges forward with me. Will I be sad? Yes, you would have to be heartless not to be. There are things I will miss and people who I treasure, but they are not dying, they will be charging forward to and though our paths diverge we will be connect forever by our experiences together.
For now I live each day for what it brings, I prepare myself for the future by telling myself bring it on! My goal? Making the most of the time and life that I have been blessed with, who can really do any more. I pray for all the other Mission Interns out there who are dealing with some of the same emotions that I have been dealing with. I pray that they see that the time we have here has been a blessing but just because it is ending doesn’t mean that the blessing ceases. We will forever be blessed by our time in our placements and the people who have become a part of our lives and our story. May we all find enough peace with in us to unreservedly move forward when the time comes, saying all the while bring it on.
Heather Adams
February 16, 2011
Good luck coming back home! I know you have made such an impact with so many people and I am sure you will be missed!! Safe travels and good luck in all you will accomplish in the future.