“Only in the Empire are we pressed and urged and invited to pretend that things are all right-either in the dean’s office or in our marriage or in the hospital room. And as long as the empire can keep the pretense that all things are all right, there will be no real grieving and no serious criticism.” – Walter Brueggemann
This will most likely be my final blog post on this particular blog. As you probably know, my time in Cambodia has ended, and I have been stateside for some time now. It has not been the easiest of transitions, as my blog “Restless” seems to point to. Now i find myself in Michigan at the beginning of another blessed adventure in service. But the pain is still there, and I venture to guess it will be for sometime to come.
In the quote above Brueggemann is referencing the following scripture:
“And the people of Israel groaned under their bondage, and cried out for help, and their cry under bondage came up to God. And Go d herd their groaning and God remembered his covenant…And God saw the people of Israel and God knew their condition.” Exod 2:23-25
I find beauty in this passage. Even though it is a passage about groaning and crying out, it’s even more so a passage about God hearing us where we are and knowing our condition. Tis offers me a great deal of comfort in this difficult time.
Before writing this blog i responded to a message sent to me by my Cambodian Brother Reaksa. In writing my response I felt great pain and sadness, this is a pain and sadness that extends to my very core. I will work through this pain the best that i can, but the one thing that I will not do is act like it doesnt exist.
It doesn’t do to bury things and try and act like you are ok, and this scripture shows us that there is grace in and through the crying out. This last post though it may be a sad way to end things (even though this is really just the beginning) is my crying out, this is my groaning.
I am moving on but I am still in a great deal of pain and that’s ok. I may be building new relationships but i still grieve the friendships that I have left behind. Time may move forward but a part of me will always long for those long tuk tuk drives, lunches spent dreaming and hoping, and of course the smiles and laughter of those beautiful children at the many children’s programs I worked at.
Even through all of this I know that this is not the end, I feel at peace about the fact that the same God that heard the cries in Egypt, is the same God that heard the cries of the maid servant Hagar, and so many more through out history hears my cries now. That same God knows my condition, and walks with me forward in my pain, and sadness, as well as in my excitement and joy.
May we all feel free to cry out when need be, and may we know that when we do there is a God that hears those cries, as soft as they may be, and knows our condition. May the love and peace of Christ be with us now and forever more. Amen.
Posted on April 12, 2011
0