I thought that I was done with this blog but it seems that I am not. I thought about writing this on my Detroit blog but it will end up here, and very soon you will know why.
I was looking through my pictures of Cambodia , as I do many nights and I find myself in this same place every time. I look at the pictures and think about the memories tied to them. I think about the places in the picture. Sometimes I ever log on to google earth and explore the city. I find my home, I find Reaksa’s home,the school I taught at, and anything else I can think of.
It’s times like these that I wonder, is this feeling ever going to go away. Am I ever going to get to a place where it doesn’t hurt, because it still hurts, my heart hurts. I find it hard to talk with my friends in Cambodia because it makes it hurt even worse.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I am not happy here, I am. It feels so weird to know that this is where I need to be and where I want to be, but still want to be there just as badly. I don’t understand fully how this is possible. I like the life that I have built here and the people make it what it is. I love being in the same country as my family and the thought of living close to them someday. But for that to happen I have to choose.
It’s not realistic to think that one person can live two lives no matter how much that person may want to. It would be different if I had the means to visit whenever I wanted or go back and forth, but it’s just possible. And so I ask this question, time heals right?
I need some help with this because it is beyond me. If anyone has any insight please feel free to share. For know all I can do is pray that … I honestly don’t know what to pray for, guidance, healing, serenity, peace, I really don’t know. Thankfully we serve a God that knows what we need even when we can’t express it. With palms lifted upward I pray for God to be near and hear my prayers.
Posted on January 26, 2012
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